Broken...

Her faith was engorged with lies

Too many times he penetrated her with beliefs that tainted her soul

Her sheets, bloody red

She screams for salvation

But God is silent

She looks for him everywhere

In the street corners, the sidewalks, the alleyway

She even tried the sky

But all she saw were galactic drops that exploded on her face

Drowning her in emotion

Tears magnified as raindrops

She cries herself to sleep

Wishing her salty tears would burn the cuts away

Wash the blood away

There will never be a way

To erase these internal scars that resides so beautifully inside of her

Nothing can scrub away the sweaty palms from her skin

Imprints of Lucifer’s wings on her temple

He had no right to enter it

But the word no was excommunicated from his vocabulary

God burst into flames as he forced his way in

There was no one to save her

She feels him watching her

Forever looking over her shoulder

His presence suffocates her

And he hides in the dark shadows of her mind

No longer can she enjoy stars on a brisk night

For her fear engulfs her

And she shuts her eyes whenever a shooting star happens to pass by

Just a second too late

Just a second too late

The cops were a second too late

The 911 calls were a second too late

And as he ripped her clothes

And allowed blood to flow down her leg

She finally saw God

He was reaching down for her from the blackened sky

But God was a second too late

And now she wakes up in the morning

Looks at her broken soul reflected through her green eyes and wishes for peace

Her pain implodes within her heart and I feel her pain as potent as she does

I’m tired of being forced to look at her every time a mirror is placed in front of me.

Run Chelly, Run.

I try to run as far away as I possibly can

From all the whiplashes of truth

But my lungs will never take me far enough to miss the tip of the whip

It always hurts the most

I cry tears of blood to stain my skin with the reality that this is who I am

Streams of blood cells that give me life

Running down my arms like runners of a marathon

I wish I had their adrenaline

I wish I had a shot of life for every moment I think of not having enough time to live

I wish I could kiss without thinking this is my last time kissing you

I wish I could hold you forever and never worry about how much time will go by before I get to feel them again

Inhale

Exhale

I need your air

Fresh, exuberant, I want you

I hate to need, but I always love to want you

A hidden secret, the forbidden fruit of my garden

I always bite

Enjoying my eternal burden of this forever sin

Let the juices of your goodness trail down the sides of my mouth

Savoring every last drop, I feed off of you

A living parasite but you never try to kill me off

I cannot lie to myself

I need you as you want me

The difference is too big for me to handle

I’ve never been so close to someone and yet feel so far away

Pores intertwining with pores

And still the emotional line is cut off

Heart to heart, impossible

Skin to skin, inevitable

I need to get away from you

I need to run

I need to move

But I can’t.

My legs will never take me far

My lungs won’t allow it

They need you as much as I do

What’s life without you?

Life with no air

Flat-line. The machine beeps too loud

I hear your voice even as I float into nirvana.

Happiness, finally.

Shit.

I've been out of touch.

I'm sorry.

I'll be back soon.

Too much to say..so little time...

You're right here, next to me.

you smell like a mix of axe and dry sweat

as I nestle in your chest

passion lies within the scent that rises and spreads

as you shift your body among these sheets

as you breathe lightly against me

I recognize the smell of your favorite cologne

clinging to your pillowcase

it brings back memories of the very first night

when I realized, that I may actually love you

and this feeling suffocates me, draws me in

and entangles your scents into a state of well-being

I may love you but these fumes I breathe in of unreturned text messages

and sleepless nights

are burning my nostrils, disabling this ability to breathe and smell true love

i've spent too many nights, waiting for my empty bed to be weighed down by you,

a burden heavy with the hands and scents of other women

i've spent too many nights with those scents stuffing up my nose

not allowing m to smell all the different aromas that bring me back

to all the memories and moments that we created together

I'm runing out of will to continue to be wih you

But for now, your scent of axe and dry sweat will do

My poetry is messy.

When I write

It's messy

The words get spread all over the page

And it stains the eyes that take in my emotions

The fingers that grasp the paper get covered in inkblots

Pictures painting a story of disturbing pasts

Heartbreak

Love

Anger

SEX

Messy, my emotions are messy

They create waterfalls through my eyes

Waterfalls between my thighs

I'm drowning in my mess

Soon you will be the reason why these waterfalls won't stop

Will you save me as I fall deeper into this black sea?

Will you save me?

I try to press my words into the page as hard as possible

I try to rip these emotions from my heart and stain them onto those who never cared enough to take notice

Through my messy poetry

You will be forced to know what it is that this tired soul goes through

There's no escaping it

These emotions will find their way into your pores

Mix in your blood

So all the shit you've ever put me through can get pumped right back into your heart

And these butterflies?

I don't want them anymore

Their wings are starting to scrape the inside of my belly

And it's making me sick

So tired of holding on

So scared of letting go

My thoughts are messy

They keep running down my cheeks

I wipe them away and feel sad

Because I realized

If I had to choose

I'd always choose to be with you..

I need a distraction ...

Punta Cana, Dominican Republic...

It's a painful thing when my soul wishes to speak to you. It hurts, my god it hurts so bad not knowing anything about you. That silent glare from your eyes feels like the suns lightrays, it pains me to stare even for a second. The power you have over me. I wanna cry because they don't know what it feels like to have a storm of anger and glory. I feel like my body is about to explode. The desperation of it all, that's what I'm tryin to let go of here. An emotional ocean ready be released but held back by the belief that we can't be because they you don't want us to. The odds aren't with us anymore. There weren't any odds to begin with. I'll pray to god to be certain that what I feel is real. Because whatever it is,i think only He could explain. Hopefully one day I'll look back and say this is all a dream that finally became a reality...

- E.A.G.

You lock me behind locked doors and bedsheets..

You want to know what is my issue before it hits the stands

BUT

I could never tell you cus you'd use it as ammunition to tie my hands -

- after all we've bled through

So instead I hate you 

Or at least just pretend to...

I taste you in my dreams.

Today was difficult. I had a hard time holding on to myself, the person floating inside me. Today was hard because I had a hard time cleaning up the mess my ragged insides were producing. All 2000+ salty, useless tears..they were everywhere. My cheeks, my lips, my hands, my pillow..you couldn't feel them though, unless you were me. I try to find distractions to keep myself from feeling the obvious heartache, but nothing works. I read, listen to music, write until my hand cramps, paint, read, listen to music, watch TV, read, write..but nothing works. Everything always has something that causes my mind to produce the image of someone's face that I've come to know fairly well these past 7 or 8 months. I wish someone would come and take this all away. Just rip the sentiment out of my heart, burn this caring part of me that so dearly wishes and dreams that things will be different. I need a real distraction from this unrelentless pain. I need an antidote from this fucking disease coarsing through my veins and into my heart.

I need someone who cares.

I can't remember the last time I wore pretty lace. I can't remember the last time someone wasn't afraid to hold my hand. I can't remember the last time someone called me beautiful when I wasn't trying to be, and actually mean it. I can't remember the last time someone cared about my dreams, my opinions, my thoughts..or just me in general. And I mean truly care, have a feeling so vast and profound that they cared enough to never wish pain or anytime of foul play upon my soul. I can't remember the last time I got a phone call at 1 in the morning to tell me they missed me, that they were thinking of me. I can't remember the last time I got flowers. I can't remember the last time someone called me at 6 in the morning before school, just to tell me that they were so happy I am in their life. I can't remember the last time someone did something genuinely nice for me, without me even having to ask. I can't remember the last time someone cared enough to ask me how I was doing, and know better than believe I was telling the truth when I said "I'm okay." I can't remember the last time I was actually saying those words and I meant them. I can't remember the last time someone held my hand and wiped away my tears and whispered to me that everything will be alright. I can't remember the last time I cried because of happiness, love, excitment. I can't remember the last time I didn't have to think about all the things no one has ever done for me in a long time...

....But I do remember the last time I cried about feeling alone. I remember the last time I reached out for someone and felt nobody actually there. I remember the last time I was trying to pour my soul out to someone, anyone...and there was no one there to listen. I remember the last time someone made me feel stupid because I didn't necessarily understand somethng, or because I don't know all the things they do. I remember the last time someone made me feel like I wasn't good enough. I remember the last time someone made me feel like shit. I remember the last time I felt a pang of pain when I realized that not everyone is who they say they are. Not everyone will always care. And that I can waste as many tears on someone as my little heart desires, but it's not gonna change the person they are. It's not gonna make all the feelings go away, or make the pain disappear.

You know, a woman has amazing strenghts. She can deal with stress and carry heavy burdens, she smiles when she feels like screaming. She sings when she feels like crying. She cries when shes happy and laughs when she's afraid. Her love is unconditional. There's only one thing that is truly wrong with her.

She forgets what she's worth.

Fuck. It's 11:11 again.

I wish Leonidas would write me a letter.

It doesn't have to be a love letter, becuase I know Leonidas does not love me.

Just a letter.

With words.

Sentences.

Smiley Faces.

Exclamation points.

Expressions.

FEELINGS.

I just really wish I knew what was going through my lover's mind sometimes.
That's all.

Wtf..

I CHOKE

ON MY WORDS

WHEN YOU ASK FOR

PERFECTION.

Jonathon.

I can't think straight tonight. My mind has gone to chaos. I cannot even name the emotions going through my mind right now. There are too many, they are all intertwining.

This FUCKING LETTER is going to be the end of me.

These words thrown about this piece of prison-stained paper is going to be the reason why I will be emotionally unstable.

I have to fight it. I have to breathe.

BREATHE.

You will not win.

You won't fucking win.

I'll be damned if you do.

FORGIVE YOU?

Forgive someone that is all of who I am.. 

Everything I held back for so many years is rushing back to me

And I'm forgetting how to breathe again..

I need someone..

Anyone.

God you make me so fucking desperate. Do you realize that?

Do you realize how much of me you control?

I hate you so much that I don't even remember how to hate properly anymore.

Do I pity you, despise you, forget you, forgive you...

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know anything anymore.

Excerpts from the Journal.

Life isn't that simple. You can't just wish something and POOF, there it is. No matter how many 11:11's you wish on or shooting stars, it doesn't matter. Life isn't that fair. I've spent too many nights anticipating for 11:11's to come, just to make a wish that will never come true.

Promise me, that's all I want. Just a promise that you will never forget me. Tell me I changed you somehow. Let me know that I had an impact on your life. Promise me that you'll always remember me. Losing you will be hard enough, but I don't want to go on knowing that I possibly meant absolutely nothing to you.

All we have is how you'll remember me and I need that memory to be strong & beautiful. If I know that I'm remembered that way, then I can face anything.

REMEMBER ME.

Leonidas, My Ruler...My Lover...

The day I want to be left all alone, for once, is the day everyone wants to be around me. My mother, aunt, brother, friend, lover..clinging to me. I want to scream, scare them away, but my lungs are too weak for that. My lungs have never been strong enough anyways. It goes much deeper than physical deformiy, my lungs never had the will to voice much emotion unless completely necessary.

It's been 4 days, and my headache still throbs within my soul. I feel it, laughing beneath my skin, seeping into my blood, this pain becoming one with me. 4 days, and I'm done complaining. If something happens to me, I hope my mother finds me. Broken, just like she makes me feel. I don't believe she realizes this, but pain is never noticeable unless the person causing it looks close enough. She never did. Always overlooking the necessary, burrowing her face too close to the obvious. LOOK BEYOND MOTHER. Look past these green eyes. Can't you see?

My lover is on my mind tonight. This, unrequited lover. We shall call this lover Leonidas, the ruler, for personal reasons. I hate myself for falling for Leonidas. I hate the way I wait for my lover's text message, phone call, anything that is a reassurance that maybe for once, my lover thought of me. Missed me. I hate the way I have engraved the image of my lover's right dimple into my mind, how I have mesmorized every crease Leonidas makes everytime a smile appears, cheeks engulfed in a bright red, even when my lover is hot, my lover's cheeks glow a cherry red, vibrant, full of life. I hate the way I know where Leonidas likes to shop, what my lover does on sundays, I hate the way my lover says hello, and even worse when my lover says goodbye. I hate the way my lover looks at me, dark, piercing eyes, sparkling under the sun's warmth, how the butterflies imprsoned in my ribcage go crazy when my lover rests those eyes upon my face, my body..I hate those soft lips, how wonderful they taste, how dangerous they are..I hate the way my lovers arms feel around me, feeling so safe, but knowing those are not my lovers intentions, to protect me. I hate the way Leonidas seem to always be right, and yet always get it wrong at the same time. I hate the way my lover pushes me away, and I cry myself to sleep, because my lover doesn't know I'm here to keep. I hate that I am just a friend, someone my lover loves only at night, when the stars are bright, and passions are fierce. I hate that I have happy dreams about Leonidas, only to wish I was back in deep sleep when I awoke, because reality was too harsh for me, too cruel. I hate the way that I can't ever hate my lover, never have, and most probably, never will.

"When you look in her eyes and she's looking back in yours...everything feels not quite normal. Because you feel stronger and weaker at the same time. You feel excited and at the same time, terrified. The truth is, you don't know what kind of man you want to be. It's as if you've reached the unreachable and you weren't ready for it."

-Spider-Man (2001)

For you Leonidas...  

You will never find me.

Sometimes I get lost in my thoughts

Realities tattooed to the inside of my skull, highlighting my dreams

Word bubbling to the surface

Their heat pulsating, dancing under my tongue

Sometimes I can't control these feverous bursts

Words exploding through my pores

Spilling over my lips

All over my chest

Running down my skin

Passing in between my thighs

Sliding down calves

Words getting lost in my curves

So I forever keep these emotions stained on my skin

There are words all over the floor, the walls, the chair, table top, the bed, staining silk sheets

There aren't enough seconds in a day to explain

To clean up this mess

There aren't enough seconds to say all I need to say

So these weighted words stay brick-heavy, glued to the surfaces

You trip over them

Fall, broken, bloody & bruised

I wish I could help you, heal you

But I'm becoming one with this mess
Soon enough I'll be fragments of my thoughts

Scattered all over these surfaces

Hidden inside their cracks

You will never find me.

Dancing under the moonlight

Waves crashing along the shoreline

The sand, rough under my toes

A part of me rips away and gets lost in this relentless wind

A part of me drowns in the water

A part of me disinigrates under the stars' burning eyes

You left me here to die

I offered you my love

You injected me with suffering

I offered you courage

You poisioned me with fear

I offered you my thoughts

You presented me with silence

I offered you a new beginning

You showed me the last page

My destiny includes you

But you have stained me with rejection

With neglect
You've pushed me to the edge

And I'm ready to jump

Falling carelessly through the wistful air

This unforgiving stain remains permanent on my skin

These marks made by love-making

Only there was never really any love

We were just making

Making what?

A memory for you to eventually extract

For you to lose

Did we ever gain anything?

I gained the knowledge of never knowing what affection really is

There were different positions, different passions riveting through my body

Yet my mind is disconnected from the flesh

Emotionless

Craving what you fail to create

My heart tries to be apathetic

But the pieces of the picture we are creating are everywhere

And I'm getting lost among the fragments of my imagination

Feelings are awakened

Of lost hope, of pain no medicine can cure

Pain can't ever be cured and that's my problem, isn't it?

Tell me what you think

You whisper, "there is nothing to fear"

But then you let go of my hand

And leave me with savages

Abandoned

Nothing to fear

All I've ever feared was not having anything to lose

So I guess you're right

There really is nothing to fear

I am tired of waiting for you

I will stay sheltered

You stay a malignant force

But you will harm me no more.

I am a lover. A lover with a painful love.

It doesn't take much to touch a life, but when a life is touched, it's the touch that means more than life itself. The touch of a hand, the touch of an expression, the touch of a look. That's all it really took - a look - to know the destiny of two hearts, that first look into each others eyes to finally find where eternity lies.

When first asked to be a lover, you accept the status, the level, in which you are stepping into in the relationship. When two souls collide with such energy, they know it means only one thing. But, it's the "one thing" which keeps the lover at that level because that "one thing", both know, may not be realized. It's that "one thing" that keeps them from being everything they could be. They could take town by storm. They could make a difference wherever they went. They could be so good together, but that "one thing" is always there. Both wanting it. Both knowing it may not become that, because, after all, one was only asked to be a lover.

It's not easy being a lover. No one could ever pretend that it is. But certain things are accepted when you become a lover. It's accepted that the other goes "home" each night and wakes each morning, in the comfort zone that the other has come to know over the years. It's accepted that the amount of time shared together is limited, at best. A minute here, a few moments there. And the lover takes in and stores in the heart each minute, everything shared, because each minute, every moment, everything shared, the lover knows could be the last. This is accepted by the lover because the lover knows and has seen where eternity lies. That's what a lover does.

A lover loves or they couldn't be called a lover. A lover loves with every  breath, every heartbeat, every word. It's hard to twist a lover's love because a lover's love is true. A lover's love is complex, yet simple. Complex because of the circumstances that arise and/or surround such a relationship; complex because of the situation that a lover accepts; complex because of the stigma and stereotype placed on the situation a lover accepts, complex because of the push and pull of these same forces. A lover's love is simple because when the lover says, "I LOVE YOU," it's YOU the lover loves; it's YOU the lover cares about. Simple because when you take away all the circumstances, all the situations, all the stigma, what's left for the lover is love in its eternal form because the lover has seen and knows where eternity lies.

A lover's love is like no other, for in saying, "I LOVE YOU," there is only YOU and no other. NOTHING can ever change this for the lover because a lover's love is loyal. A lover's love knows the dilemmas and fears the other faces with this kind of relationship, and a lover's love, for the sake of the other, will allow the other what is right for the other's heart. Because of the level a lover takes, a lover's love is always ready, always willing, always loving, to do what's best for the other, no matter how long the other takes, because a lover's love knows no time for it has seen and knows where eternity lies.

When a lover says, "I LOVE YOU," it is "I" who has, and always will, love "YOU." No matter where "YOU' go, no matter what "YOU" do, no matter what "YOU" say, no matter -- it is "I" who loves "YOU."

It's a lover's love, that having seen eternity, having touched it and felt it, having held it even for a moment, knowing where eternity lies and that it may never come around again, it is a lover's love that will go on for the other.

That's the way of a lover.

Beauty's Suicide.

Beauty is an interesting thing. The way it is portrayed, seen, understood, perceived...It is, unfortunately, one of the many drugs that contaminate the mind, affect it in ways that sometimes are unshakeable. Beauty is a dangerous weapon, sometimes used with the wrong intentions, and sometimes not known how to use at all. 

I don't understand why people choose to undermine their true self with thousands of pounds of make-up, degrading clothes, degrading mannerism in which they incorporate their "beauty." But that is not true beauty. That is a false impression of what life will be like for every woman around us if something is not done. If something does not change. I cannot be one to judge though, because yes, I have been the victim of this choice...this decision to apply the powder first, the swift flick of a wrist, then the eyes...eyeliner first, then the mascara, eye-shadow...moving on the emphasizing the cheekbones -blush, and ending with lip gloss. I have made the decision to put on the tight skinned shirt, and short skirt. And come to think of it now, I cannot find a valuable reasoning behind my decision and that shakes something within me. 

This "beauty" that we women subject to, it's suicide. It's the slow decay of the free-expression in our mind. Whatever happened to 15 freckles spread across cheekbones, to beauty marks on various parts of the face and body, to gapped teeth, to big noses and big lips. To eyes that are too big, too far apart. Whatever happened to the rawness that people seem to scream with their faces, these portraits that have been given to us and we do not know why...but something we need to understand is that there is a reason for everything. There is a reason why this face was given to us, why it is chosen to be reflected in mirrors, why it is chosen to look back at you in a polaroid, photograph. Usually, a man or woman will notice your undeniable flaw that is marked upon your face, and they will fall irresistibly, and irrevocably, in love with you.

I am waiting for this day. For the day someone will see my flaw, and tell me they think I am the most beautiful creature that has roamed the earth.

Not because I need to hear it, not because I am vain...

But because I want someone to NOTICE.

To care enough to want to stay and stick around with this flaw.

I want to be beautiful, on the ugliest days. I want to whisper beauty even when I am screaming ugly. I want the world to stop picking on people's insecurities because they do not realise they are just adding on to it. I want people to step back, really look at the portrait that is lain before them, and STOP laughing at the surface, and appreciate the core.

I AM BEAUTIFUL ON THE UGLIEST DAYS.

I AM BEAUTIFUL ON THE UGLIEST DAYS.

I AM BEAUTIFUL ON THE..

I AM BEAUTIFUL.

Words.

I've been pensive today. Thoughts rushing in and out of my mind, and I keep finding myself trying to hold on to something to make the spinning stop. I have a lot on my mind. Life..VALUES, feelings, and all the great themes that aspiring authors seem to think about - love, hate, hope, betrayal, deceit, disappointment, all this melancholy and for what? To have a story that is supposed to end with a happy ending?

It is always said that our life is our very own book, and we are the narrators, filling up the pages as the days go by. But what happens when there is nothing to write? Writer's block...nothing important, nothing life-changing. Nothing.

Words scripted together to tell a story that no one really wants to hear. For a world that is to be filled with free will, never have I felt that my own THOUGHTS, my own words...are being ripped away from me. Are being labeled as "clingy, needy, desperate."

When was it NOT okay to express how you feel? About someone else, about an opinion, about a dream.. When was it not okay to hear a story and fall in love with the captivating words that have been chosen...When was it not okay to love?

A LOT of things have been taken away from me, but I simply cannot allow my very own words to be taken from my mind, from this tongue, from these lips. They are the only things I have left to hold on to, the only thing that can help me with my mixed emotions and troubling dreams. My words will save my story...which ever it may be.

If I choose the word "love," don't judge me.
If I choose the word "hate," don't patronize me.
If I choose the word "broken," don't try to figure me out.

My words are my saviour. My escape. The only thing I have left to keep me from going insane,

They are my BURSTS OF FREEDOM. 

You ruined me.

My skin itches to know you

My voice screams to feel you

My words escape these sinful lips

And fall, so deep into the core of the misunderstanding we created

This mutual physical connection we had

But yet lacking so much emotion

Drained of love..hope..hate

Every last drop of sentiment squeezed right out

My heart aches for you

Where ever it may reside

Sometimes i feel like i am so close to feeling it

Heartbeat pounding inches away from my fingertips

But as quickly as I come close to it

I lose you

In the rumble & tumble of our bodies in the sheets

I lose the person I've been yearning to know

I could've given you everything you deserve and more

You're WORTH it in my book

But i'm running out of pages for these excuses

These sentences scripted to push me away

To dismiss me

These words, weighted on your tongue

Have burdened me

I walk

Back crooked from the rejection heavy on my shoulders

Disappointment rushes through my veins and straight into my heart

With every text you choose not to send

With every phone call never placed

Every thought, feeling, action never processed

I begin to lose myself as well

These cold sheets that shelter body heat

The fire, burning in the pit of my stomach

The feeling coarsing down between my thighs

As you touch me there

My soul

My heart

Cries

These evaporated tears that you will never taste as you brush your lips upon my skin

All of what we are

is a MYTH

Will forever be remembered, but NEVER believed

or RETOLD

just remembered...

as a distant truth

a distant...heartbreak

I have sheltered myself from your pain as long as I can

But soon

Wounds are RE-OPENED

and this feeling

BLEEDS.

Valentine's Nightmare.

Disgusting, it's Valentine's Day. Who would have known my first post was gonna be on a day I detest the most.

Seriously, this day is just an excuse for society to waste money on bears, and chocolate, and stupid little cute valentine's day cards.

Maybe I'm just pessimistic. Or haven't had a Valentine's in 3 years. Whatever.

A poem...sort of a tribute to the one person I wish would have been here on this day...

You are like a Rubik's cube

Bright colors vibrating off of you

Quickly the eye is attracted, it is curious

But although you are appealing to the eyesight

You are so puzzling to the mind

Only to be stuck with a frustrating array of pigments that speak a language I cannot recognize

A language that whispers secrets of broken pasts and misguided hearts

A language...that is so sweet to the ear you forget it is the devil speaking to you

Trying to lure you in but I am so much stronger than that

The angels have bestowed this great honor of force inside my heart...my mind...and I will not let those sweet whispers creep in and

know my screts

known my thoughts

know my soul

Do you know my soul?

Everytime I try to show you, you pull away

My trust and judgement is tainted with every step you take back

With every word you choose not to say

With every breathe you second guess

I wish was there in all the moment you second guessed yourself

So I can twist and turn those fragments into a new array of pigments

Hopefully resulting in a language that is so much sweeter than the posion that is injected in me everytime I try to get in your head

The posion that seeps through my pores and into my bloodstream

Allowing me to feel the pain you never wish to show me.

I wish I was there in all the moments you wondered if you're not good enough

So I can rearrange the squares in your mind into a box that can hold all the great moments in your life

But that isn't enough

Let me build you a room to hold all the memories you will make

With the one that knows your heart

The one that knows your soul

Let me make you a castle, big enough to hold all the great loves your heart will someday hold

The many heartbreaks you will someday overcome

And create

I wish you could disappear during all the moments I dreamed of you

Because being with you is an illusion compared to the reality of my dreams

The brutality of my dreams

The raw truth my dreams always seem to scream

I always try so hard to open my eyes before it gets too much and my heart is pounding

But always you seem to keep me captivated and strung on during these lucid images that always seem to be on replay

Images of you wanting more, bringing me in, and then...pulling away

This pain is too much for me to bear sometimes

Sometimes...my nightmares seem so childish next to these deams..